永远
by SuicideMonday
Summary: AU. How many times are they going to force me to watch you die? ChinaxRussia Immortal!Yao. Multiple Incarnations!Ivan.


**A/N: First fic of 2010! Whooo! I hope everyone's New Year has been going well! Visiting Orlando with Doitsu was so fun! Why doesn't Epcot Disney have a Russia? ;_; **

**This year I will attempt to write a long multi-chapter Rochu fic! (Summary is on my profile) (Wish me luck!) I've updated my profile with upcoming fics/ideas, I hope you guys will check it out! **

**Anyways, I was trying out a slightly different style this time. (Except I can't help myself and I still have those one-liners breaking up the parts of the fic, lol) Would love to hear what you think about the....vague style of this fic? As per usual, I went OCD on the formatting.**

**Thanks so much Taiyue for correcting my Chinese characters...XD Wall...rofl**

**I'm still working on chapter four of ESHTOY. I'm not sure if i should make it supa long and complete the whole thing in one chapter or break it up into 2 or 3 chapters.**

**As always, I wish that everyone who faves this story reviews. XD (To all those who have favorited without leaving a review: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Axis Powers Hetalia**

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**永远 **

**Eternal**

_If I am to meet you just to be your end,_

_Then let us pray that we never meet._

We used to be lovers.

Such a long time ago.

Our foolishness was our downfall, it was a silly mistake.

So _careless_ of us.

And thus the gods intervened.

With the cruel punishment they are infamous for.

For me- immortality.

Never aging, never changing, watching others fall around me.

And you- trapped in an endless cycle of death and rebirth.

Cursed to die each time we meet.

Again.

And again.

And

Again.

I wonder which of us is more condemned.

_I wander through this cursed life_

_Wishing for our paths to never cross_

You were a photographer this time.

Capturing the beauty of the world in still frames.

(So similar to how you used to capture me in your arms)

1845. The camera was still a relatively new invention.

Completely enraptured by its potential, you threw yourself into photography.

**I didn't want to be the one to end your career.**

Yet you still found me.

As I wandered the streets in our game of hide and seek.

You seemed so excited to meet me.

Timidly, you asked me if you could take my picture.

(It was always impossible for me to refuse your wishes)

There was no will within me to fight you.

So I let you grab my hand as you rushed toward your studio.

Sat politely for your multiple pictures.

Wishing such moments

Could last forever.

When you finally drew yourself away from your lens.

You looked at me with such a curious gaze.

I wanted to tell you everything.

But knew better than to try and explain.

Quickly remembering your manners, you invited me out to dinner.

(Because you never were able to cook)

And as I sit opposite of you, arms propped on the white tablecloth table,

I learn about the you -

Of this life.

(Without me, you would be so much better off if you had never met me)

Pausing in your thoughts

You scratch you head and wonder why you're rambling to a complete stranger.

Completely unaware of how untrue your statement is.

Despite myself, I tell you that I have enjoyed this evening.

Even though I know our meeting will end in pain.

The light that dims in your eyes.

How many times must I witness it?

_How many times will I hold you against my body-_

_And cry?_

A teacher.

You looked so comfortable in the university setting.

Adored by your students.

How could I take you away from them?

I was just visiting the library.

When I, quite literally, fell on top of you.

Flustered and recovering from the fall, you reach for my arm and pull me up.

You mistake me for one of your students

And usher me into your class.

Sitting in the back row

Our eyes meet more

Than one would call coincidence.

I memorize each one of your words

So that I can replay them in my mind for years to come.

Philosophy.

What an interesting subject.

'Live a long life'

You tell us all.

I want to laugh

At the irony.

That was the last lecture you would give in your life.

_In a game of cat and mouse_

_The cat is not meant to die_

Married.

This is the first time you were married.

I celebrated your success at finding another love.

(Because all my love ever did was cause you misery)

Perky and blond

She complimented you well.

And your children

_I wanted them to have their father._

Yet I knew.

That as soon as you laid eyes on me.

Your fate was once again

Sealed.

I couldn't bear the screams of your wife and children

(There seemed to be so many things I couldn't bear)

When they found you dead.

Each time I saw you

I hoped.

Impossibly

That you would live.

That our lives weren't so intertwined.

That I couldn't cause such as impact on your life.

One such as the permanent pain of death.

_Each one of your deaths_

_Left a hole in my heart_

_Growing bigger each time_

World War II.

We ended up in the same platoon.

Fighting for a country that neither of us belonged to.

(Each time I met you was so different from the last)

Both ignored by the others

You quickly befriended me.

(I wonder how I look in your eyes)

The tanks.

The gunshots.

The cries of agony.

Each night you told me we would both make it out alive.

Somehow.

(I had run out of hope)

The constant pattern.

If not today, then tomorrow.

One day you wouldn't return.

**Because you never lived 49 days after meeting me.**

(I count each one)

The war killed many people but I only mourned for you.

_Lock me away so that I may never do you harm_

Was our crime so great as to be punished for all eternity?

I didn't want to keep losing you.

_Toss me into the deepest pit_

_So I may never climb back up_

You were so young this time, barely reaching my waist.

Your eyes were so round

(So innocent)

As you stared up at me

I could feel the pieces of my heart break all over again as I returned your gaze.

All of these Ivans.

Were you.

Chubby hands grabbing at my clothes.

You smiled and laughed when you managed to keep a firm grip.

I wanted to pull you close.

And tell you to run away.

That I was no good for you.

I had become your own personal grim reaper.

Your blood will never leave my hands.

So tiny and confused.

Unable to comprehend.

The illness that overtook you.

All I could do was futilely stay by your side

And try

(desperately)

To nurse you back to health.

Because the pointless efforts were the only thing tying me to sanity.

(Though I think the gods were unwilling to offer me an easy way out such as insanity)

_I had to bury your body again_

You walk up to me and give me your name.

(As if I didn't already know it. You've had the same name for over 3,000 years.)

"Hi, I'm Ivan Bravinski."

You stare at me with a mixture of confusion and amusement, hand hanging in the air.

Offering my own hand, I give you a smile because it's the only thing I can offer.

And say.

"Yao Wang."

_The gods are laughing at you and me._

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**A/N: Correctly formatted version can be found on Rochu Squad Livejournal. (Cause FF totally f'd up all my precious spaces....) The atmosphere is conveyed better with more spaces, so go check out that version! **

**I hope you all would be so kind as to drop me a line.**


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